Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
