So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
