What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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