you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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