I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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