A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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