ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
