I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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