I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
