she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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