Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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