So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
