so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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