She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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