I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
