Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
