Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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