He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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