I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
