i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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