I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
