how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
