I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
