1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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