so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
