i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
