My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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