you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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