Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
