he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
