You smell like a Billy Joel song
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
