what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
