It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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