she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
