I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
