What did we do last night that was yellow?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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