Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
