Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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