Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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