did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
