best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
