I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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