masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
