Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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