you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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