Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
