he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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