I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
