I'm eating all of the evidence.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
