I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
