there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
