he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
