Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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