I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
