He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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