and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
