new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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