Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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