Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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