Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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