I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I met the friendliest cop last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to sanitize my soul.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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