today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize