Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I pour the whiskey from now on
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
