girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
