I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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