Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
