she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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