sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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