Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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