I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
